1. How can a single woman beat the Valentine’s Day blues on Feb. 14?
A. Embrace your individualism, not your relationship status. You are much more than a single woman. You have talents, experience, a unique background, perhaps children, personal interests in your work, hobbies and activities, etc. It’s up to you to feel whole, complete and empowered as a valuable individual who happens to be single. Being a couple does not make you a better person – unless you feel inferior and believe that to be the case!
B. Valentine’s Day can stimulate feelings you might not have expected. These can run the gamut from anger to guilt, sadness, relief and more and it is possible to feel all of these at the same time. Understanding and acknowledging your feelings can help you make better decisions this time of year. It can be helpful to talk about your feelings with a close friend or a therapist to help you sort through them and understand them.
C. Understand that being single can really be a good thing. You’re not tied down to anyone or stuck in an unhappy relationship. Your life is full of possibilities. Every day can be an adventure – if you look at it that way. You can travel as you like, buy clothes as you like, date as you like – and you don’t have to share any of it with anyone!
D. Capitalize on the endless opportunities around you – if you really look for them. Think you’re the only one who’s single over Valentine’s Day? Of course not. According to statisticbrain.com there are 54 million other single people in the United States. This is important because that means there are 54 million single people that are also thinking about romance, love, and dating during and after Valentine’s Day.
2. What are a few things a single woman can do to make herself feel special, sans boyfriend, on V-day?
It’s important to do things you don’t ordinarily do, just because you are single. Changing your attitude from a self-pity party to a fun-you party will make the difference between you getting through V-day in good spirits or not. So what can you do to step away from the norm and be a little bit more adventuresome?
Assemble a solo-party emergency kit, especially if you live alone. Stash some favorite delicacies in the pantry and freezer: bottles of your favorite wines and spirits; books, CDs and videos you know you’ll enjoy; firewood, bubble bath, candles — whatever makes you feel indulged and contented. Then have fun indulging yourself. The bottom line is to take care of yourself enough so you start feeling good and realize how truly great you really are.
3. Any suggestions on activities she can do with her friends? Perhaps create her own non-romantic tradition?
Host a party. Invite singles and couples from work, church, school wherever. The more the merrier, and tell guests to bring a friend. It’s always fun to meet someone who is already a friend or acquaintance of someone you know, because then you know they can’t be that bad! But it really is a great way to expand your social circle and have fun, too.
Walk into the party like a winner. Be quietly confident. Smile. Walk tall. Sit up straight. Feel good about yourself. Do not walk into a party hoping that someone will notice you. Walk into a party expecting to be noticed. You are displaying your confidence and healthy self-esteem, but don’t be snobbish. The worst thing to do is show everyone how insecure you are. So tell yourself – I AM good enough, I AM pretty enough, I AM ready to meet someone who is perfect for me. This is how you need to be presenting yourself to the world. You are confident, deserving, important and a great catch, and that’s what you want everyone to think about you.
The best way to ensure you have a good time during your party is to just pretend you’re having a great time. So laugh a lot, or just smile a lot, be friendly and sociable, strike up conversations with lots of people, be funny and charming. A convincing performance may go a long way in convincing yourself, too. And once you believe it, you become it!
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is a Dating & Relationship Coach and co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! and the DatingRescue eCourse for women. To receive her free ebook on Smart Dating Advice for Women Over 40: Answers to Your Most-Asked Questions! visit http://www.womendatingafter40.com.