Are you concerned about setting effective boundaries with your partner? Are you afraid that he may reject you or ignore your wishes? Listen to Rosalind Sedacca explain how to stay empowered, be assertive and get the message across that you deserve respect and equality in all your relationships.
Women often face situations when the man is initially interested and pursues them actively and just when things seem to be getting serious, they pull away. This leaves women frustrated and worried as they begin to wonder if they did or said anything that made him pull away. In order to find out more, they try to reach out to him often by texting, calling and messaging him multiple times and it often tends to make the situation worse. Listen to Amy Sherman explain why men pull away and also some practical tips and strategies on what women can do to overcome this problem in their romantic relationships.
Some women have limiting self beliefs, like I am too old to find love or men will never find me attractive or I will always be single. Listen to Rosalind Sedacca discuss practical and insightful tips on how women can reframe their negative beliefs so that they can be successful in their love lives.
One of the most common questions women ask is how and where can I find men to date. Women, especially those coming out of a divorce or a breakup after years of committed relationship, find it extremely challenging to find men to date. Age also seems to be a factor as women especially in their 40s, 50s and 60s seem to find that men of their age seem to be more interested in younger women that are physically attractive.
Listen to Rosalind Sedacca talk about this important concern.
One of the saddest consequences of divorce or a break-up is the new alone-time, getting used to being single again. The holiday season can be a particularly challenging time, especially when friends and neighbors are busy with their own family gatherings.
Among the greatest challenges for the newly single is avoiding self-pity. Overwhelmed by a sense of isolation, or feeling undervalued as a person or a parent, can often result in making poor choices that compound your feeling of aloneness, emptiness or low self-esteem.
Turning toward a support group of friends can be really helpful when these feelings arise. Seeking out a counselor or divorce coach can also provide advice and new resources for creating alternative holiday options and traditions.
There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Loneliness is a state of mind that can occur even in the midst of a large family gathering. If you’re afraid of being alone or experiencing the emptiness of feeling lonely, get professional support to help you understand your fears and redirect them to a state of greater self-confidence.
With the right mind-set, we can discover many pluses in being alone. Enjoying your own company is a great feeling when you don’t “need” to be with others to make you happy. Indulge yourself in books, films, nature, music, aromas and other things that make you feel good inside and out. Making time for YOU is a healthy way to express self-love.
When it’s time for company, remember there are hundreds of singles living in your community. Use the internet, social media networks, MeetUp groups, newspapers and other local resources to find out about events, parties, dinners, cruises or other activities specifically for singles.
Don’t hide your head in the sand. Get out, volunteer at community organizations and you’ll find new friends and ways to enjoy yourself without a partner. Remember, you’re not alone. Many others out there will be happy to meet you, especially at this time of year!
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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Dating & Relationship Mentor, co-creator of the DatingRescue eCourse for women, and co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating At 40, 50 & Yes, 60! Learn more about her programs at http://www.womendatingafter40.com andwww.womendatingrescue.com.
1. Be aware of unresolved baggage from your past, which would sabotage
your present relationship. Identify your feelings of anger, hurt, pain,
guilt, and disillusionment and accept these feelings as lessons learned.
It then becomes easier to move on.
2. Avoid “fairy-tale” thinking. It’s not your partner’s job to make you
happy. It is your responsibility to be all you can be when you enter a
relationship. Dependency and neediness are not attractive qualities, so
don’t assume anyone can meet all your needs or desires.
3. The basis for a healthy relationship is friendship. This level of
comfort translates into a solid foundation for love to blossom and intimacy
to develop. In other words, be friends first before you open the door to
the physical and emotional closeness that is so essential to a solid
4. Be sure your expectations are realistic. Are your demands about weight,
age, height, financial success and other factors limiting your ability to
find the right partner who will love and appreciate you? You must be
flexible, objective and fair in your expectations, so you don’t set
yourself up for pain and disappointment.
5. Be able to communicate effectively by encouraging open, honest
dialogues. Be attuned to nonverbal cues and body language that can trigger
messages and unconscious signals to your partner.
6. Notice any uncomfortable behaviors that would be a sign of impending
abuse. Jealously, quick attachment, mood swings, anger issues, verbal
threats or distorted accusations are the “red flags” that spell caution.
7. Stop sacrificing yourself for the sake of your partner. It’s important
to be flexible whenever possible, while maintaining the values, integrity
and standards that are important to you.
8. Trust your intuition, which is that part of you with knowledge vital to
your well-being. This internal antenna continually sends you messages and
if anything or anyone makes you feel uneasy, don’t ignore it.
9. Successful relationships are built on mutual respect. Therefore, the
more you focus on negative aspects of your partner, the more you will deny
yourself the positive, attractive aspects you noticed when you first
10. Maintain your individual interests, including friends, activities and
professional goals. You must be able to orchestrate your life and not
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Dating & Relationship Mentor, co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! and co-creator of the Create Your Ideal Relationship Kit for women over 40. Learn more about her and her programs at http://www.womendatingafter40.com, http://www.womendatingrescue.com and http://www.mensdatingformula.com.
Relationships should be life enhancing and ever lasting. That’s why if you are recently divorced, widowed or between relationships and are ready to start dating again, you should know what to anticipate and how to avoid the common relationship pitfalls.
For men and women, it is often frightening and maybe even devastating to find themselves alone and having to start over. After all, meeting new people in new social venues can be very scary. Yet, many single boomers are making choices based on what they consider important and essential for their well-being and mental health. They are trusting that there is a life out there better than what they had before. They are willing to take the risk and be vulnerable, again.
I recently had a 50-year-old client who was newly divorced and determined to get on with her life. She enrolled in several senior online dating sites, carefully worded her profile page, found a recent, attractive picture of herself and had fun perusing through the pictures of many eligible men. What she didn’t anticipate were the reminders of her past life and all the anger, mistrust and disappointment she never worked through.
You can’t expect things to run smoothly in your new relationship if old baggage is still lingering. Any unfinished business from your past needs to be cleaned up as part of the process of closure and moving on.
Here are the steps you can take to release your negative emotions so that your dating experience is positive and successful:
1. Identify your “issues “. Are you having trust issues because your spouse cheated on you? Were you a victim of physical or emotional abuse from a controlling partner? Are you so co-dependent that you don’t know how to live your own life?
It helps to pinpoint what areas are bothering you and identify your underlying concern. Notice any patterns you keep repeating and be responsible for changing what you can about yourself. At the same time, realize you can’t change anyone else. Therefore, don’t expect to “fix” your new partner, especially if he/she has no interest in modifying what they do.
2. Once you know the problem areas, feel the feelings associated with them. Are you feeling sad, angry, guilty, bitter, hurt, resentful or just plain disillusioned? Some external trigger, like a familiar song, a comment, a certain look, a meal, etc, will usually uncover these feelings and other feelings that are suppressed. Your new partner, unaware as to what is going on, will be a clueless recipient of your snide remarks and inconsiderate behavior. By getting clear on what triggers may be setting you off, you can neutralize your feelings, making those emotions lose their negative charge. In that way, you allow your new relationship to move ahead successfully, without the usual drama.
Remember, you don’t want to repeat your mistakes and blame others for things going wrong. Instead, take a look at what part you play in allowing any situation to develop. If you could do things differently, you probably would. Insight is the gift you get for learning your lessons and taking another path.
3. Finally, visualize yourself happy in a relationship. You know what you want and what you don’t want. Have a clear image in your mind of your desired partner and see yourself happy together. Feel how that would feel. The more genuine the feelings are, the more you will attract what you are looking for and what you most deserve.
When you release old baggage from your past, it is very liberating. You feel a weight lift off your shoulders, setting you free to have a healthy, long term relationship. The time you spend letting go of the past will make you and your potential partner grateful that you took the time to clear your mind, heart and soul to love again.
Amy Sherman is a dating and relationship coach. She is the co-author of “99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 and Yes, 60!” and “Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer’s Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life.” Go to http://www.yourbabyboomersnetwork.comto get more information and to sign up for her free eZine. Amy can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org