Being single certainly has its perks. You can do what you want, when you want, the way you want to do it. There’s no one directing, controlling or leaning on you – either physically or emotionally. And for many independent singles, that’s just the way they like it!
However, sometimes we’re not aware that we’ve designed our lifestyle in a way that doesn’t make space for anyone else to enter. There’s an emotional wall that hinders others from sharing their thoughts, adventures, dreams and interests. The “Keep Out” sign flashes across your forehead and anyone who tries to push past gets thrown out – with a smile, shrug or a bounce.
If this description sounds like you and you keep saying you want to find a rewarding relationship but there’s no one out there who’s a good fit, the answer may be simple: you’re just too independent!
We all know that being in a relationship means you are not just you alone anymore. You’re expected to compromise, to be flexible, to explore life’s activities together. To play a part in a relationship, you’re expected to be a partner – and to make your partner feel special. For some folks this is more of an impediment than they want to accept – even if they won’t admit it.
Happily, the overly independent, who are afraid of giving up too much of themselves, have options. They need to work on maintaining their independence while in a relationship, yet also making sure there is a balance – a give and take – that is healthy and acceptable.
For many, finding another independent type is a good option. They can complement you without smothering and will also understand your need for more alone time and independence than most others desire. Steer clear of needy, co-dependent types. They’ll feed your nightmares and will likely overwhelm you with “togetherness” when that’s the last thing you’re looking for.
Rather than giving up on a relationship, look for a comfortable fit for your personality type and create the relationship parameters that best fit YOU. You’ll get the best of both worlds – and be better for it!
Dating & Relationship Coach
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