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Archive for December, 2013

One of the saddest consequences of divorce is the new alone-time, getting used to being single again. The holiday season can be a particularly challenging time, especially when friends and neighbors are busy with their own family gatherings.

Among the greatest challenges for the newly single is avoiding self-pity. Overwhelmed by a sense of isolation, or feeling undervalued as a person or a  parent, can often result in making poor choices that compound your feeling of aloneness, emptiness or low self-esteem.

Turning toward a support group of friends can be really helpful when these feelings arise. Seeking out a counselor or divorce coach can also provide advice and new resources for creating alternative holiday options and traditions.

There are hundreds of singles living in your community. Use the internet, social media networks, MeetUp groups, newspapers and other local resources to find out about events, parties, dinners, cruises or other activities specifically for singles. Don’t hide your head in the sand. Get out, volunteer at community organizations and you’ll find new friends and ways to enjoy yourself without a partner. Remember, you’re not alone. Many others out there will be happy to meet you, especially at this time of year!

Rosalind Sedacca is a Relationship and Dating Coach.  You can contact her at rosalindwrites@gmail.com

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When dating moves into the next level of partnership, be careful about taking the relationship for granted. Just because you are a couple, it doesn’t mean the romance and excitement have to end.  The problem with many couples is that the early romantic stage of a relationship is sometimes not sustained as the relationship progresses.  Spontaneity and surprises should continue throughout your time together because those are thoughtful and special gestures that your partner will always appreciate.  Cherish and nurture the relationship and it will be the best investment you ever made.  Underestimate your partner — and you will sabotage this special gift.

Therefore, by all means, leave love notes, buy special gifts, laugh, and don’t get so comfortable that you’re forsaking the magic of being in love.  The biggest relationship mistake is making your partner feel insignificant in your life.

Therefore, awareness is the key.  Not recognizing the needs of your partner can become a major area of contention in any relationship.  In his book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray states that if men and women don’t understand each other’s needs, it is very difficult to know how to fulfill them.  The easiest solution is to discuss what you need from your partner and do this in a clear and concise manner.  That means leave nothing to assumptions or guessing.

Women can be vulnerable to “fairy tale” thinking.  We tend to assume that if our partners really loved us they can also read our minds.  This absurd expectation sets us up for relationship disasters, repeatedly, because it’s based on an erroneous assumption.  Men cannot read our minds. Nor should they.

If something means a lot to you — gifts on Valentine’s Day and your sixth month Anniversary, for example — mention that to your partner months in advance.  Find out if he has similar feelings.  If he cares little about celebrating the date you met, realize you are making an unrealistic request that is not likely to be met, especially as the relationship progresses.

Your ability to navigate your relationship requires emotional and intellectual skills and the wherewithal to know that you are both responsible for making or breaking the experience.   So, if you found a like-minded, eligible individual who meets your standards for getting involved, be sure to give him significant attention, so he will hopefully do the same for you!

Amy Sherman, MA, is a Dating & Relationship Coach and the co-founder of http://www.womendatingafter40.com.

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Being single means being free! You’re free to break or bend rules and create the kind of holiday celebrations most meaningful to you. That means not having to participate in routine family commitments and encounters. Not having the go to the same places, do the same things as usual. And not being controlled by another person’s desires or whims!
So you can re-invent yourself for the holidays. Take a vacation to a resort featuring singles activities. Go on a singles cruise. Volunteer for an organization that helps needy families or pets during the holidays. Join a support group for singles. Register for a new class or course in a topic of interest. In other words, honor YOUR self, your values and your needs.
When you try the new and different you open the door to exploring new activities, expressing new passions and meeting new people who share that with you! It can make being single a gift, a blessing and an incentive to becoming more of who you’ve always wanted to be — without anyone stopping you!
And that makes you more attractive to others.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is a Dating and Relationship Coach and co-founder of http://www.womendatingafter40.com.

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