1. Be aware of unresolved baggage from your past, which would sabotage
your present relationship. Identify your feelings of anger, hurt, pain,
guilt, and disillusionment and accept these feelings as lessons learned.
It then becomes easier to move on.
2. Avoid “fairy-tale” thinking. It’s not your partner’s job to make you
happy. It is your responsibility to be all you can be when you enter a
relationship. Dependency and neediness are not attractive qualities, so
don’t assume anyone can meet all your needs or desires.
3. The basis for a healthy relationship is friendship. This level of
comfort translates into a solid foundation for love to blossom and intimacy
to develop. In other words, be friends first before you open the door to
the physical and emotional closeness that is so essential to a solid
4. Be sure your expectations are realistic. Are your demands about weight,
age, height, financial success and other factors limiting your ability to
find the right partner who will love and appreciate you? You must be
flexible, objective and fair in your expectations, so you don’t set
yourself up for pain and disappointment.
5. Be able to communicate effectively by encouraging open, honest
dialogues. Be attuned to nonverbal cues and body language that can trigger
messages and unconscious signals to your partner.
6. Notice any uncomfortable behaviors that would be a sign of impending
abuse. Jealously, quick attachment, mood swings, anger issues, verbal
threats or distorted accusations are the “red flags” that spell caution.
7. Stop sacrificing yourself for the sake of your partner. It’s important
to be flexible whenever possible, while maintaining the values, integrity
and standards that are important to you.
8. Trust your intuition, which is that part of you with knowledge vital to
your well-being. This internal antenna continually sends you messages and
if anything or anyone makes you feel uneasy, don’t ignore it.
9. Successful relationships are built on mutual respect. Therefore, the
more you focus on negative aspects of your partner, the more you will deny
yourself the positive, attractive aspects you noticed when you first
10. Maintain your individual interests, including friends, activities and
professional goals. You must be able to orchestrate your life and not
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Dating & Relationship Mentor, co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! and co-creator of the Create Your Ideal Relationship Kit for women over 40. Learn more about her and her programs at http://www.womendatingafter40.com, http://www.womendatingrescue.com and http://www.mensdatingformula.com.