Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Holiday Stresses’ Category

One of the saddest consequences of divorce or a break-up is the new alone-time, getting used to being single again. The holiday season can be a particularly challenging time, especially when friends and neighbors are busy with their own family gatherings.

Among the greatest challenges for the newly single is avoiding self-pity. Overwhelmed by a sense of isolation, or feeling undervalued as a person or a parent, can often result in making poor choices that compound your feeling of aloneness, emptiness or low self-esteem.

Turning toward a support group of friends can be really helpful when these feelings arise. Seeking out a counselor or divorce coach can also provide advice and new resources for creating alternative holiday options and traditions.

There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Loneliness is a state of mind that can occur even in the midst of a large family gathering. If you’re afraid of being alone or experiencing the emptiness of feeling lonely, get professional support to help you understand your fears and redirect them to a state of greater self-confidence.

With the right mind-set, we can discover many pluses in being alone. Enjoying your own company is a great feeling when you don’t “need” to be with others to make you happy. Indulge yourself in books, films, nature, music, aromas and other things that make you feel good inside and out. Making time for YOU is a healthy way to express self-love.

When it’s time for company, remember there are hundreds of singles living in your community. Use the internet, social media networks, MeetUp groups, newspapers and other local resources to find out about events, parties, dinners, cruises or other activities specifically for singles.

Don’t hide your head in the sand. Get out, volunteer at community organizations and you’ll find new friends and ways to enjoy yourself without a partner. Remember, you’re not alone. Many others out there will be happy to meet you, especially at this time of year!

*** *** ***

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Dating & Relationship Mentor, co-creator of the DatingRescue eCourse for women, and co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating At 40, 50 & Yes, 60! Learn more about her programs at http://www.womendatingafter40.com andwww.womendatingrescue.com.

Read Full Post »

 1. How can a single woman beat the Valentine’s Day blues on Feb. 14?

A. Embrace your individualism, not your relationship status. You are much more than a single woman. You have talents, experience, a unique background, perhaps children, personal interests in your work, hobbies and activities, etc. It’s up to you to feel whole, complete and empowered as a valuable individual who happens to be single. Being a couple does not make you a better person – unless you feel inferior and believe that to be the case!

B. Valentine’s Day can stimulate feelings you might not have expected. These can run the gamut from anger to guilt, sadness, relief and more and it is possible to feel all of these at the same time. Understanding and acknowledging your feelings can help you make better decisions this time of year. It can be helpful to talk about your feelings with a close friend or a therapist to help you sort through them and understand them.

C. Understand that being single can really be a good thing. You’re not tied down to anyone or stuck in an unhappy relationship. Your life is full of possibilities. Every day can be an adventure – if you look at it that way. You can travel as you like, buy clothes as you like, date as you like – and you don’t have to share any of it with anyone!

D. Capitalize on the endless opportunities around you – if you really look for them.  Think you’re the only one who’s single over Valentine’s Day? Of course not.  According to statisticbrain.com there are 54 million other single people in the United States. This is important because that means there are 54 million single people that are also thinking about romance, love, and dating during and after Valentine’s Day.

2. What are a few things a single woman can do to make herself feel special, sans boyfriend, on V-day?

It’s important to do things you don’t ordinarily do, just because you are single.  Changing your attitude from a self-pity party to a fun-you party will make the difference between you getting through V-day in good spirits or not. So what can you do to step away from the norm and be a little bit more adventuresome?

Assemble a solo-party emergency kit, especially if you live alone. Stash some favorite delicacies in the pantry and freezer: bottles of your favorite wines and spirits; books, CDs and videos you know you’ll enjoy; firewood, bubble bath, candles — whatever makes you feel indulged and contented. Then have fun indulging yourself.  The bottom line is to take care of yourself enough so you start feeling good and realize how truly great you really are.

3. Any suggestions on activities she can do with her friends? Perhaps create her own non-romantic tradition?

Host a party. Invite singles and couples from work, church, school wherever. The more the merrier, and tell guests to bring a friend. It’s always fun to meet someone who is already a friend or acquaintance of someone you know, because then you know they can’t be that bad! But it really is a great way to expand your social circle and have fun, too.

Walk into the party like a winner. Be quietly confident. Smile. Walk tall. Sit up straight. Feel good about yourself. Do not walk into a party hoping that someone will notice you. Walk into a party expecting to be noticed. You are displaying your confidence and healthy self-esteem, but don’t be snobbish.  The worst thing to do is show everyone how insecure you are. So tell yourself – I AM good enough, I AM pretty enough, I AM ready to meet someone who is perfect for me. This is how you need to be presenting yourself to the world.  You are confident, deserving, important and a great catch, and that’s what you want everyone to think about you.

The best way to ensure you have a good time during your party is to just pretend you’re having a great time. So laugh a lot, or just smile a lot, be friendly and sociable, strike up conversations with lots of people, be funny and charming. A convincing performance may go a long way in convincing yourself, too. And once you believe it, you become it!

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is a Dating & Relationship Coach and co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! and the DatingRescue eCourse for women. To receive her free ebook on Smart Dating Advice for Women Over 40: Answers to Your Most-Asked Questions! visit http://www.womendatingafter40.com.

 

Read Full Post »

One of the most difficult parts of being single is coping with the holidays. Valentine’s Day can be one of the most difficult to get through, especially when those around you are busy with their own romantic celebrations.

Among the greatest challenges for singles, especially the newly single, is avoiding self-pity. Overwhelmed by a sense of isolation, or feeling undervalued as a person, can often result in making poor choices that compound your feeling of aloneness, emptiness or low self-esteem.

Turning toward a support group of friends can be really helpful when these feelings arise. Seeking out a counselor or relationship coach can also be wise. These experienced professionals will provide advice and open the door to new resources for creating alternative options for getting through this Valentine’s Day.

When you love yourself you’re not likely to face life as a victim. Self-love gives you the inner strength to overcome fears, anxiety and other insecurities that plague many singles. You believe in yourself, your value and the future awaiting you. You’re empowered to take action, make new friends, and attract healthy new relationships in your life.

There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Loneliness is a state of mind that can occur even in the midst of a large family gathering. If you’re afraid of being alone or experiencing the emptiness of feeling lonely, get professional support to help you understand your fears and redirect them to a state of greater self-confidence.

With the right mind-set, we can discover many pluses in being alone. Enjoying your own company is a great feeling when you don’t “need” to be with others to make you happy. Indulge yourself in books, films, nature, music, aromas and other things that make you feel good inside and out. Making time for YOU is a healthy way to express self-love.

If you choose to have company, remember there are hundreds of singles living in your community. Use the internet, social media networks, MeetUp groups, newspapers and other local resources to find out about Valentine’s Day events, parties, dinners or other activities specifically for singles.

Don’t hide your head in the sand. Get out, volunteer at community organizations and you’ll find new friends and ways to enjoy yourself without a partner. Remember, you’re not alone. Many others out there will be happy to meet you, and enjoy spending time with you on Valentine’s Day and throughout the year ahead!

*** *** ***

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Dating & Relationship Coach, co-creator of the DatingRescue eCourse for women, Mastering the Challenges of Dating: A Success Formula for Men and co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating At 40, 50 & Yes, 60! Her programs are available atwww.womendatingafter40.comwww.womendatingrescue.com and www.mensdatingformula.com.

Read Full Post »

One of the saddest consequences of divorce is the new alone-time, getting used to being single again. The holiday season can be a particularly challenging time, especially when friends and neighbors are busy with their own family gatherings.

Among the greatest challenges for the newly single is avoiding self-pity. Overwhelmed by a sense of isolation, or feeling undervalued as a person or a  parent, can often result in making poor choices that compound your feeling of aloneness, emptiness or low self-esteem.

Turning toward a support group of friends can be really helpful when these feelings arise. Seeking out a counselor or divorce coach can also provide advice and new resources for creating alternative holiday options and traditions.

There are hundreds of singles living in your community. Use the internet, social media networks, MeetUp groups, newspapers and other local resources to find out about events, parties, dinners, cruises or other activities specifically for singles. Don’t hide your head in the sand. Get out, volunteer at community organizations and you’ll find new friends and ways to enjoy yourself without a partner. Remember, you’re not alone. Many others out there will be happy to meet you, especially at this time of year!

Rosalind Sedacca is a Relationship and Dating Coach.  You can contact her at rosalindwrites@gmail.com

Read Full Post »

Being single means being free! You’re free to break or bend rules and create the kind of holiday celebrations most meaningful to you. That means not having to participate in routine family commitments and encounters. Not having the go to the same places, do the same things as usual. And not being controlled by another person’s desires or whims!
So you can re-invent yourself for the holidays. Take a vacation to a resort featuring singles activities. Go on a singles cruise. Volunteer for an organization that helps needy families or pets during the holidays. Join a support group for singles. Register for a new class or course in a topic of interest. In other words, honor YOUR self, your values and your needs.
When you try the new and different you open the door to exploring new activities, expressing new passions and meeting new people who share that with you! It can make being single a gift, a blessing and an incentive to becoming more of who you’ve always wanted to be — without anyone stopping you!
And that makes you more attractive to others.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is a Dating and Relationship Coach and co-founder of http://www.womendatingafter40.com.

Read Full Post »

When you’re single, it can feel like the world is all coupled up. And that can be especially difficult during the holidays when party invitations roll in, love seems to be in the air — and you’re feeling lonely.  So the holidays can be particularly stressful. And then there’s that inevitable question from some relative: (You’re still single? oh what happened?) Questions like that can certainly make you want to skip every holiday gathering and hibernate for the next month. But don’t, because you have choices that will help you get through this most challenging time of year.

Listen to this informative Teleseminar below: 

http://recordings.freeconferencecalling.com/mp3/254064/254064/MN2124_12102012173152508_1076369.mp3

Testimonial

“Listened to Rosalind and Amy’s teleseminar and found it quite insightful.” 

Thanks, Jacinta

 

 

Read Full Post »

By Bobbi Palmer, The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40

Have you noticed there may be something in the air besides holiday spirit? This time of year can be confusing for single gals. You might have been dating a special someone, things were moving right along when suddenly the holiday season hits– and he slams on the breaks. So what gives?

At the same time you’re feeling anxious over being dateless for New Year’s Eve, men are choosing to hunker down and stop dating, or to end seemingly budding relationships.

I realize that this is not good news. If it helps, I have no empirical evidence to back this up. What I do have is my personal experience being single for 30 years before marrying at 47, and the experience of my countless clients and single girlfriends.

I’m sharing my theory here in hopes of helping you avoid some unnecessary anxiety or pain during this holiday season. Emotions seem to magnify this time of year. Breakups seem far more painful, and being single seems a little lonelier. While it can be a joyous time, it can also be difficult for some

In about mid-November, we gals start grumbling “Here we go again…another freakin’ year with no kiss at midnight.” Or many women do what I used to do: we make plans with girlfriends that involve jammies, food and wine, and bedtime by 11.

Some single guys dread the holidays too, but for different reasons. While they may wish they were in love like us, their reasons for being bummed may have more to do with how much emphasis women can put on romance (or the lack thereof) at this time of year.

Two commonly confusing scenarios and what they mean:

Scenario One: Uncommitted

Let’s say a man is dating someone but it hasn’t moved into a committed relationship. This is when he may start questioning whether she is possibly The One. He may like her, but if the answer is “no” he may see this as the right time to break up.

Why? Because he doesn’t want to invest in a woman who isn’t going to be around for the long haul. I know what you’re thinking: the creep just doesn’t want to buy presents! That may come into play, but I’m referring to emotional investment. Most men understand that when he makes you his date for his company Christmas party or family Hanukkah bash, you might interpret it as a sign of a serious relationship.

Scenario Two: Putting It on Pause

The second scenario is the guy who has been dating and looking for a relationship, but isn’t currently seeing anyone regularly. He may think it’s a good time to put dating on pause. Why? Because he too knows the importance women can place on holiday dates, and he doesn’t want to risk giving any false impressions.

In both instances it’s true that there is a question of presents. What kind of present do you get someone if you’re not sure she’s someone you want to keep dating? After how many dates is a present required? What if he really wants to get you something wonderful – just because he’s a nice guy – but he doesn’t want you to think it’s more than it is?

There is a bottom line to all this: Drama Prevention. These conundrums over what you might want and what you might think have great potential to introduce misunderstanding and crossed signals. That creates drama. And drama, sister, is a man’s greatest dread.

I know you want a date for parties and events. And there’s some “thing” about having another year go by without finding love. But you are a spectacular, smart, loving woman who has not YET found her ideal man. He is out there.

So if you get a “Dear Sally” email or men just aren’t asking you out, it’s okay. It’s for a reason that is ultimately good for you. Accept breakups as getting rid of the wrong guy. And if you have a date, avoid misunderstandings by keeping it in perspective. When a man shares time with you during the holidays, especially one you have recently met, that may be just what he’s doing: sharing time with you.

I’m not saying to stop looking to meet nice men – you should never do that – but work on creating your own good times. Make plans with old friends, volunteer, go to the spa, read or write that book you’ve been putting off…or simply relax and enjoy some well-deserved down time.

Happy holidays! And remember to be good to yourself.

Bobbi Palmer is The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date Like a Grownup. She is not just a dating coach; she’s a dating success story! Bobbi was married for the first time at age 47 and describes her spectacular husband as “the yummy icing on her already-good cake.”

Read Full Post »