I believe I have dating down to a science. I put on the same outfit, jeans, white t-shirt, boots and a leather jacket. I Uber to the location. I go in with an open mind, an open heart, and a hope that this date will be the start of something amazing. I’ve been on every dating app imaginable. Seriously, I’ve done them all. Am I picky? No. Do I know what I’m looking for? I think so. Are there deal breakers? Of course. Do I feel like the only normal person out here? Yes.
This was the first time I was actually excited about a date, because I met him a couple of times before, through a mutual friend. It wasn’t going to be a complete coin toss in the air that you get with the dating apps. I already thought he was cute, funny and we had some chemistry. The date began with a tiny red flag though, as we were to meet for drinks first, then hook up with his friends for a March Madness game. This wasn’t my ideal first date, but I figured I will just go with the flow. One of my friends would meet us there as well, so I wouldn’t feel like I’m totally alone with the bro’s.
The date started off great; we had our first drink, normal chit-chat about family, work and where we grew up, were laughing and having a great time. I thought we were really hitting if off. One thing I forgot to mention was that he was short. I am 5’9” and he was probably 5’6”. Not too terrible, and not a deal breaker for me, although I did think about it before going on this date. I brushed it aside. Half way through, we started talking about food and how he loves going to a really nice steak restaurant after a stressful week of work. I mentioned that I was a vegetarian, have been for 7 years, and had no problem with people eating meat around me. I wouldn’t impose my belief system on him, as it’s a commitment I alone decided for myself.
We then go to the bar where the game and his friends were. Luckily, my girlfriend showed up a couple of minutes later, because he started acting weird. He sat on the other couch away from me. The rest of the night he avoided me. Finally, after a while, I sat down next to him and started talking. He proceeds to tell me that his friend REALLY likes me. Completely confused by this whole thing, I make him repeat what he said, because why would he be telling me this? He tells me again that his friend REALLY likes me. So I respond, “Don’t you think it’s weird that you’re telling me your friend really likes me, when I am on a date with you?” He then tells me that I’m too tall and that he apparently had a discussion about this with his mother. My height shouldn’t have been a surprise, since he met me before with heals on. Plus, on this date I was wearing flats.
I tell him that height is not a deal breaker for me and that there are much more important things to a relationship. He also says he can’t be with someone who is a vegetarian. Again, I explain that these superficial things are so low on my spectrum of importance and that finding someone with high integrity and good values are really what matters.
Needless to say, I text my friend this conversation and she, without any hesitation, calls us an Uber and we left this disastrous date.
He clearly had a definite checklist of what he wants for his preferred partner. But, if we place so many limitations, we shorten our choices and miss out on possibilities and amazing opportunities. For me, it’s about chemistry, fun, passion, interests and commitment. Did I have a moment and question about his height? Yes. Ten years ago this would have been a deal breaker, but I thought about it and realized it wasn’t that important. Height has nothing to do with a person’s character or how well he will ultimately treat me.
A lot of emotional energy goes into these dates, so when they don’t work out, it is hard to process. I don’t want to get discouraged or become cynical, so I am always hopeful that the next one will be “The One” that will change my life. I truly want to get off these dating apps. I am committed to attracting the right person into my life and when it does happen, it will be amazing and well worth the wait. I know that I didn’t do anything wrong on this particular date. He clearly had made up his mind and maybe, one day, he’ll look back and regret his decision. Then again, maybe he won’t. Meanwhile, I’ll just wait for Ryan Gosling to ask me out instead.
Nicole Sherman is a certified yoga instructor and the founder of HonuYoga.com, a site dedicated to cleaning up the ocean and preserving sea turtles with every yoga T-shirt sold.
Read Full Post »