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Posts Tagged ‘dating mistakes’

I believe I have dating down to a science.  I put on the same outfit,  jeans, white t-shirt, boots and a leather jacket.  I Uber to the location.  I go in with an open mind, an open heart, and a hope that this date will be the start of something amazing.  I’ve been on every dating app imaginable. Seriously, I’ve done them all. Am I picky? No. Do I know what I’m looking for? I think so. Are there deal breakers? Of course. Do I feel like the only normal person out here? Yes.

This was the first time I was actually excited about a date, because I met him a couple of times before, through a mutual friend. It wasn’t going to be a complete coin toss in the air that you get with the dating apps. I already thought he was cute, funny and we had some chemistry. The date began with a tiny red flag though, as we were to meet for drinks first, then hook up with his friends for a March Madness game. This wasn’t my ideal first date, but I figured I will just go with the flow. One of my friends would meet us there as well, so I wouldn’t feel like I’m totally alone with the bro’s.

The date started off great; we had our first drink, normal chit-chat about family, work and where we grew up, were laughing and having a great time.  I thought we were really hitting if off. One thing I forgot to mention was that he was short. I am 5’9” and he was probably 5’6”. Not too terrible, and not a deal breaker for me, although I did think about it before going on this date. I brushed it aside. Half way through, we started talking about food and how he loves going to a really nice steak restaurant after a stressful week of work. I mentioned that I was a vegetarian, have been for 7 years, and had no problem with people eating meat around me. I wouldn’t impose my belief system on him, as it’s a commitment I alone decided for myself.

We then go to the bar where the game and his friends were. Luckily, my girlfriend showed up a couple of minutes later, because he started acting weird. He sat on the other couch away from me.  The rest of the night he avoided me.  Finally, after a while, I sat down next to him and started talking. He proceeds to tell me that his friend REALLY likes me. Completely confused by this whole thing, I make him repeat what he said, because why would he be telling me this? He tells me again that his friend REALLY likes me. So I respond, “Don’t you think it’s weird that you’re telling me your friend really likes me, when I am on a date with you?” He then tells me that I’m too tall and that he apparently had a discussion about this with his mother. My height shouldn’t have been a surprise, since he met me before with heals on. Plus, on this date I was wearing flats.

I tell him that height is not a deal breaker for me and that there are much more important things to a relationship.  He also says he can’t be with someone who is a vegetarian. Again, I explain that these superficial things are so low on my spectrum of importance and that finding someone with high integrity and good values are really what matters.

Needless to say, I text my friend this conversation and she, without any hesitation, calls us an Uber and we left this disastrous date.

He clearly had a definite checklist of what he wants for his preferred partner.   But, if we place so many limitations, we shorten our choices and miss out on possibilities and amazing opportunities.  For me, it’s about chemistry, fun, passion, interests and commitment. Did I have a moment and question about his height? Yes. Ten years ago this would have been a deal breaker, but I thought about it and realized it wasn’t that important. Height has nothing to do with a person’s character or how well he will ultimately treat me.

A lot of emotional energy goes into these dates, so when they don’t work out, it is hard to process. I don’t want to get discouraged or become cynical, so I am always hopeful that the next one will be “The One” that will change my life.  I truly want to get off these dating apps.   I am committed to attracting the right person into my life and when it does happen, it will be amazing and well worth the wait.  I know that I didn’t do anything wrong on this particular date. He clearly had made up his mind and maybe, one day, he’ll look back and regret his decision. Then again, maybe he won’t. Meanwhile, I’ll just wait for Ryan Gosling to ask me out instead.

Nicole Sherman is a certified yoga instructor and the founder of HonuYoga.com, a site dedicated to cleaning up the ocean and preserving sea turtles with every yoga T-shirt sold. 

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1. Be aware of unresolved baggage from your past, which would sabotage
your present relationship. Identify your feelings of anger, hurt, pain,
guilt, and disillusionment and accept these feelings as lessons learned.
It then becomes easier to move on.

2. Avoid “fairy-tale” thinking. It’s not your partner’s job to make you
happy. It is your responsibility to be all you can be when you enter a
relationship. Dependency and neediness are not attractive qualities, so
don’t assume anyone can meet all your needs or desires.

3. The basis for a healthy relationship is friendship. This level of
comfort translates into a solid foundation for love to blossom and intimacy
to develop. In other words, be friends first before you open the door to
the physical and emotional closeness that is so essential to a solid
partnership.

4. Be sure your expectations are realistic. Are your demands about weight,
age, height, financial success and other factors limiting your ability to
find the right partner who will love and appreciate you? You must be
flexible, objective and fair in your expectations, so you don’t set
yourself up for pain and disappointment.

5. Be able to communicate effectively by encouraging open, honest
dialogues. Be attuned to nonverbal cues and body language that can trigger
messages and unconscious signals to your partner.

6. Notice any uncomfortable behaviors that would be a sign of impending
abuse. Jealously, quick attachment, mood swings, anger issues, verbal
threats or distorted accusations are the “red flags” that spell caution.

7. Stop sacrificing yourself for the sake of your partner. It’s important
to be flexible whenever possible, while maintaining the values, integrity
and standards that are important to you.

8. Trust your intuition, which is that part of you with knowledge vital to
your well-being. This internal antenna continually sends you messages and
if anything or anyone makes you feel uneasy, don’t ignore it.

9. Successful relationships are built on mutual respect. Therefore, the
more you focus on negative aspects of your partner, the more you will deny
yourself the positive, attractive aspects you noticed when you first
started dating.

10. Maintain your individual interests, including friends, activities and
professional goals. You must be able to orchestrate your life and not
feel smothered.

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Dating & Relationship Mentor, co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! and co-creator of the Create Your Ideal Relationship Kit for women over 40. Learn more about her and her programs at http://www.womendatingafter40.com, http://www.womendatingrescue.com and http://www.mensdatingformula.com.

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1. Suffering from unrealistic expectations and Fairy Tale thinking. You’ll be disappointed with any partner, regardless of who they are.

2. Not trusting your inner warnings about red flags early on. Is he too controlling, jealous, demanding, possessive, intimidating, addicted, aloof, insincere or deceitful?

3. Carrying too much past relationship baggage into a new relationship. Is he paying the price for issues in your former relationship that you haven’t cleared?

4. Settling because you don’t believe there’s anyone much better out there. Or believing you don’t deserve a better partner.

5. Not honoring your personal boundaries. Giving up your life, friends, values and interests for a man – any man!

6. Treating your guy like a girlfriend. Men don’t relate to talking, shopping and sharing the way women do. Don’t expect him to be your gal pal.

7. Being sexually intimate too soon. Men don’t run after a bus they’re already on! Let him feel you’re a special catch.

8. Getting a sexually transmitted disease. STDs are increasing most dramatically in middle-aged women who don’t ask questions, test and check before moving into sex.

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Dating & Relationship Coach, co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! and the Create Your Ideal Relationship Kit for women (WomenDatingAfter40.com), the DatingRescue eCourse for women (Womendatingrescue.com) and Mastering the Challenges of Dating: Success Strategies for Men (mensdatingformula.com).

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Rosalind offers an eye-opening presentation on the ways singles are standing in their own way. You could be too set on someone being “blond” or “tall”, you could still be in love with your EX or you could be a workaholic married to your job. How do you know and how do you change? This podcast shares some insights.

  • Are you still single because you are too independent? Don’t want to give up too much?
  • Why does this stand in the way of finding love?
  • Are you just too picky or critical (she’s nice but I only like women with long blond hair)?
  • On the other hand, how do you know if you appear so desperate you repel others?
  • Did you know that some singles are still in love with their EX? Are you?
  • How does your past influence your current ability to attract?
  • How do you work on yourself to change what’s not working?

To find out more about Rosalind Sedacca, her books and free resources please visit her websites WomenDatingAfter40.com and WomenDatingRescue.com.

This podcast is presented by the National PR Firm, Annie Jennings PR.  Annie is the Creator of JenningsWire, an online magazine that features a diverse community of talented bloggers.  Please enjoy more posts on JenningsWire.com and discover the bloggers that might be perfect for you!

Listen Here:  http://anniejenningspr.com/jenningswire/podcast/podcast-if-im-such-a-great-catch-why-am-i-still-single/

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