Posts Tagged ‘fear of rejection’

Why are so many women afraid of being vulnerable? Indeed, many worry that if they show who they truly are, they will be rejected. Or they fear someone will use revealing information to manipulate. Either reason will keep a woman from being her authentic self and cause her to live life closed and disconnected.

Vulnerability involves a lot of uncertainty and emotional openness. What can you do to embrace being vulnerable and still risk revealing your courageous self? Here are some steps to take:

1. Allow others to see you as you are so you know they are loving the real you.
2. Any rejection or NO leaves you open to an eventual YES. The growth and lessons that come with this are priceless.
3. Admit your weaknesses and ask for help — Pay attention to how this feels. The support and encouragement is very empowering.
4. Understand that you may have unconscious blocks that hold you back. While “hiding behind a mask” may seem necessary to protect your well-being, it can do the opposite and close you off to being loved and giving love.
5. Think about the risk you take when you love someone and realize the other person is thinking and feeling the same thing. Together you can share your fears which offers you greater intimacy and bonding.
6. Set boundaries, and only let in those who have earned the right to know the TRUE you.
7. It’s OK to fear being judged, questioned, or rejected. Does he like me? Will he understand me? Can he be trusted? These questions are valid, but should not keep you from living, loving and laughing your way through the relationship.
8. Know that the connection you feel with your partner depends on how much you reveal about yourself. If you’re afraid about what you can say, do or think or your message is misunderstood, any meaningful connection will be lost.

Vulnerability shows strength. When you are vulnerable, others can hurt you, disappoint you, rely on you and especially love you.This may make you appear weak if you give up your strength to others, but it is really indicates the opposite. You are putting your heart out there. How courageous is that!

Amy Sherman is a Relationship/Dating Coach and co-founder of http://www.womendatingafter40.com. She is the co-author of “99 things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 and Yes, 60!” She can be reached at amybethsherman@gmail.com

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Lessons.  We all have them.  But if you don’t really learn those lessons, you will repeat them over and over again, until you finally “get” it.  Relationships can be an important lesson, and along with the struggle and pain, you overcome some major life challenges.  There’s confusion, insecurity, sadness, anger and broken hearts but they actually bring you to a healthier place – for the next significant relationship.

You become stronger and are able to overcome the peaks and valleys better with each lesson learned.  You become aware of what you want and don’t want in a relationship and are able to make decisions based on what is best for you.  It is very liberating and empowering to know that if one person rejects you, that person was not really right and that someone better is coming along.

It feels good to be strong and responsible for how your life unfolds and to know that a rejection does not mean you are bad or unworthy.  It just means that you can change, if you choose, to create a better, healthier, more satisfying future for yourself.  The more you value yourself, the easier it becomes to get past “the past” and move into the future with confidence and esteem.

The challenge of all relationships is to be yourself and to be comfortable in your own skin.  If you approach a new relationship from a place of fear or insecurity, it will be obvious to the person you meet.  To attract the kind of man who sees you as self-confident and desirable, you need to feel it too.  So, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable again — to get into a relationship and feel love and joy, because this time it may be the real thing, which is what you deserve and have been looking for all along.

Amy Sherman, MA, is a Relationship Coach, Author and Therapist.  She co-wrote “99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 and Yes, 60!” which offers tips, tools and insights into avoiding common relationship mistakes.  She can be reached at amybethsherman@gmail.com for individual coaching.


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