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Many people, especially women, believe being in a relationship means not keeping any secrets and sharing every thought, doubt and fear with your partner. This can be destructive to a relationship in many ways. We must remember that not everything we think and do is productive for relationship success. Before sharing a secret ask yourself these questions:

1. Will my partner feel closer to me when knowing this secret?
2. Will sharing this secret make me a better person?
3. Are the lessons learned from my secret only of value to me — or will they be of value to my partner?
4. Am I sharing this secret to relieve me of guilt — and will that give pain to my partner?

In summary, not all secrets should be shared. Don’t share a secret that will pain your partner while giving you relief … that will hurt your partner while they are powerless to change the outcome … that delivers lessons meant for you and not your partner. Think in terms of “us and we” when making decisions that may hurt or negatively impact your partner and you will be rewarded with a happier, healthier relationship.
Rosalind Sedacca, CLC is a Dating & Relationships Coach and Dating in Mid-Life Mentor as well as co-author of 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60!

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